In life, what we place our focus on is where we experience our emotions and where our energy is invested!
The ability to “Shift Your Focus” is a very powerful and useful technique in life. No one is promised with a wonderful, easy and smooth life. Nor anyone is promised with a harsh, laboring and bumpy life. Some believe destiny is pre-meditated; some believe destiny is in our hands. No matter which one you believe, one always have the choice on WHAT TO FOCUS ON in life. What we place our focus on, is where we experience our emotions and where our energy is invested. If we focus on the negative emotions, our energy is spent on experiencing the negative emotions. In this case, why not turn the situation around and optimize the advantages, choose to see and focus on the beautiful, positive sides of life which make us experiencing the positive emotions and spend our energy more productively on generating more positive energy?
Choose “What Works” for us to achieve a life we desire. Remember we have the ABSOLUTE CHOICES in the ways we want to present ourselves to the world.
When things happened out of expectation, people tends to response more negatively than positively, consciously or unconsciously. When things went wrong, it is easier to blame others than taking up the blame. When a child wants to try something new, it is easier for the parents to tell(demotivate) the child by saying, “.. listen to me, I can tell you that it will not work..”, so that the parents may in the name of protection, not to worry for their child’s failure. At home, when a wife expresses her intention to go back to work place, it is easier for a husband to say(demotivate), “..you haven’t work for a long while, I don’t think people will take you..”, instead of taking the time encouraging, preparing and supporting his wife’s emotional needs. We may be the one response negatively, consciously or unconsciously; we may also be the one receiving the negative feedback.
We have no controls over others, what they will say, what they will do or the impacts they bring to us. However we have the choice to decide on which part of what we hear that we would like to accept and allowing which part of impacts into our lives. When an event happens, the event is neutral. It is our beliefs, perceptions and experiences highlights certain details for us to focus on and attach the relevant emotions onto the events. In other words, if we are not consciously aware and let our negative beliefs, perceptions and experiences leading us to FOCUS negatively on the event, we will EXPERIENCE and even magnify the negative emotions, as well as spending our ENERGY on incubating the negative energy pool.
Why do we choose to focus on things which do not serve our well being in life?
- What will our life be if we only CHOOSE something that works best for us and leaving no room for negative thoughts or feelings?
- What will we be, as an individual, if we FOCUS on something that nurtures and energizes us, instead of wearing and tiring us down?
- What will your marriage be if instead of thinking if I am marrying the right person, FOCUS on if I am being the right person in this marriage?
- What will our kids be if we show our strong faith in them and continuously giving them the positive security, encouragement and support?
We may go on forever to explore the possibilities of “What if…” as much as we like. But we will never know until we put some actions into it!!
Let’s do an exercise right away! Take a current situation that you are worrying or afraid of. Reflect in parallel with my example. Loic is going to see a dentist in 2 weeks time. He is afraid of the sound of and the pain caused by a drill. (Actually me too!) First thing we need to realize is that FEAR is not absence of BRAVE. It’s just that we FOCUS so much on FEAR that we forget BRAVE is also there! They are co-exist! The more Loïc FOCUS on FEAR, the more scary and painful experiences he will anticipate and EXPERIENCE, so all his ENERGY will be spent on worrying and in fear. So if Loic tries to SHIFT THE FOCUS to BRAVE, to EXPERIENCE the positive reassuring of things will go well and spend ENERGY on something that best work for him, i.e. understand what the dentist will do, ensure dentist performs proper anesthesia, focusing on the ultimate benefits, a good tooth with no pain after the event, these may help to reduce and control the FEAR. Another effect way to SHIFT THE FOCUS is to focus on the beautiful dentist assistant :P
Another recent example is a heart-breaking event from a friend of mine. After the break-up, her focus is entirely on “What’s wrong with me?”. Obviously she continues to experience the emotions of being sad, rejected, abandoned and inadequate; not to mention her energy is invested in lashing herself and on how to be a better girlfriend (for the man who did not appreciate who she is). If she CHOOSES to FOCUS on “It’s no one’s fault and nothing wrong with anyone. Things happen. I am hurt and I don’t like the situation. However I did give my best efforts in this relationship. Now I value who I am and how much I worth, despite the outcome of the relationship. If this relationship does not serve for us anymore, it is better to end sooner than later. I want to learn from the relationship, not let the relationship demotivates me.” In this case, even the negative emotions are still remain, but at least the the emotions are not being magnified and her energy will be spent more on how do I heal and encourage myself out of the situation faster.
Let’s Shift Your Focus on Something that Best Works for You!!