It’s your ego behind all the urges of ‘I am right’. So what if you are right, but you lose the hearts of others?
Exactly behind all these “I am right”, what are we really looking for and want to achieve? Is it a sense of victory, superiority over others? Or is it a boost on self-confidence and gaining of power? Or it’s a proof of self-inadequacy (i.e. not having much to be sure of or show off in life, so whenever there is a chance to assure others ‘I know this and I am right about it’, we grab the urge and would not let go of it) or a hidden ego?
Our ego protects us from any circumstances which will make us feel inadequate and inferior; it makes us to say or do sometimes to revert the feeling and the situation. Ego is like a black hole consuming our energy endlessly; the bigger the hole, the more we are attracted to repel what we hear, defend our feeling and the stronger the desire to hide and cover our inadequacies. Most of the time, our reactions become parts of the reflex and we are not aware or in full control of them. Next time when we engage in a heated conversation proving ‘I am right’ again, think about what you are really saying or hiding from each others.
So, how strongly do you want to or need to prove that ‘you are right’ in daily life? How much do you face up and accept your own inadequacies or agenda behind? It’s nothing to be shame of, we are all not perfect. It’s more important that we accept and embrace ourselves, our inadequacies and weaknesses, as well as really understand what our hidden intentions are (i.e. “I know I am right, so listen to me next time…” -> intentions to control other’s life or to emphasize that ‘I am not being heard in general, so listen to me this time’ and so on).
Wouldn’t you want to live a life which there is not much to defend, nothing could make us feel inferior about and we don’t have to be right all the time (to maintain the reputation)? We just share ourselves openly with no urge to be ‘I am right’. (It’s another kind of freedom!)
In your relationship, do you have to be right always? Actually we are all right in our own ways. Why that is yours are more right than your partner’s? If the question itself induces subjective answers, what’s the point of who is more right than other? So what if you are totally right, but lose the space for your partner to share your view? And you are leaving no room for what if you are wrong. Relationship is not a battle field of right or wrong and we only do the right. Relationship is about two people discussing, agreeing and accepting what is the best for the two and go forward from there. Being right will not consolidate the two hearts. Consider to let your ego go in relationship.
Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)
Reducing or letting go the urge to prove ‘I am right’ in our relationship; we are both right in our own ways and our goal is to combine the two right into agreed and accepted one best way.
For your actions:
(1) What does “being I am right” mean to me? Take these meanings to a deeper level within self, are they related to ego or hidden intentions or…. (only you know yours, by understanding and be aware of them, it will help you to see the root causes of your urge of ‘I am right’.)
(2) In your current relationship, is your ego in the way of enhancing the relationship, i.e. in communication, sharing daily tasks…etc?
(3) Ask your partner how strong is your ego from the scale 1-10 and elaborate with some examples. (prepare yourself for any answer, try not to defend what you hear, just listen with your heart, not your head; it’s your partner’s perception of you and you may use for reference point to improve yourself.)