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Tag Archives: Emotion

Self-focused questions “How am I doing lately?”

In my Day 30 – How you love yourself in the coming 90 days? Today’s home work, end of Sep final updates, a quote of encouragement on Sep 28: “No matter how busy or tired I am, I am committed to take at least 1 hour a week conversing with myself.” And exactly what topics do I talk to myself?

An important question for all of us before all other questions I asked myself is –>

Do I spend enough time with myself, listen to my inner voices and have peace within? 

We all need certain levels of assurance and reassurance to ourselves (that we are being oneself, living the life the way we want and we know what we are doing) and security (where not to worry about getting hurt or suffer, be as free and safe within) in our lives, both physically and mentally, especially the later. These two provide a sense of stability and peace anchoring within ourselves, steady the our inner being, even when our outer surrounding is full of chaos.

The level of assurance and security needed may vary accordingly to our backgrounds, past experiences and most present situations. The source of the providers often we think is and count on others and in fact, we ourselves are the ultimate source. It is for our own well-being and benefits to understand self well, take the responsibility and be our own source provider.

The below is a list of questions I am asking myself on regular basis: (Just be very honest with yourself and not to judge yourself; pay attention to the first answer in mind, it is often the most true reflection of your current thoughts. Be gentle and keep in mind this is to spend quality time with self, not to criticize self)

  • How am I feeling lately? (both physically and mentally)
  • Am I happy? Truly happy? And why is that? May I do something about it? (replacing ‘happy’ with ‘content’, ‘satisfied’, ‘enjoying life’, ‘sad’, ‘angry’, ‘upset’, ‘tired’, ‘stressed’, ‘worried’, ‘calm’, ‘focused’, ‘determined’, ‘relaxed’, ‘appreciative’, ‘creative’, ‘healthy’, ‘demotivated’, ‘judgmental’, ‘blaming’, ‘fearless’, ‘resentful’, ‘growing’, ‘honest’, ‘being loved’, ‘loving’, ‘avoiding’, ‘free spirit’, ‘having hard time’, ‘running out of time’, ‘energetic’, ‘inspired’, ‘lonely’ … etc. you may go through few emotion adjectives as above or select the one best describes you and dig into it.) 
  • How far am I from my personal goals? (Do I have a personal goal?)
  • How is my work vs. life balance at the moment?
  • How have I changed emotionally and physically from last month? (How is my well-being?) 
  • What can I do differently for myself next month?
  • What did I do last month that I am proud of? (Take time to appreciate how good I am!)
  • Am I growing or learning or enriching myself? (Developing my potential…)
  • What is(are) my priority(ies) in the coming month? (take 1 month at a time – this helps to regain focus on what is important and close to your heart) 
  • What makes me happy? (and grant yourself to do that :P what’s the wait?)
  • If I win 1 million dollars, what would I do and feel? (this question is to encourage dreaming~ every dream with realizable action plans => goals coming true!!)

The purpose of the above question is to constantly be aware of our own thoughts and feelings. Many people who are stressed often neglect the early warnings that are sent out from their mind and bodies. If we are all aware of early signals and having regular check up or conversations with self, life will be much happier and more relaxed!!

While you taking time surfing on the net and reading nice articles, why not take another 5 minutes to answer the above question for yourselves, having a little intimacy with self!!

 
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Posted by on October 25, 2012 in Thoughts

 

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Be daring in declaring love! (2012.W43)

(Ending Sunday 28 October 2012)

In this past Sunday, Loïc and I are engaged!!

Loïc has made his proposal, asking me to marry him, be his wife and be with him forever. Wow… that was a mouth full and very bold in asking, especially the ‘be with me forever’!! Or should I say, it’s I who is more daring to say ‘YES‘ (because by saying ‘yes’, I have committed myself; but for him, he just simply asked the questions, not made the commitment).

With this love note and our new long term commitment, I would like to encourage, challenge and dare every reader to boldly express and declare your love!! No matter it is for your girl/boy friend, wife/husband, partner, parents or secret lover, just go ahead and tell them (and again and again) via words and actions!

We all love to be loved and yet afraid to ask and give completely. Our past experiences or hurts plus self-protection mechanism may somehow prevent us to love bravely. Why let it stopping us from being in love and enjoying love? Why not invite ourselves to give a try, be daring and free? How about starting with simply declaring and saying ‘I LOVE YOU’ or “YOU ARE THE ONE I WANT TO BE WITH” or something intimate from your heart?

It’s your love life, your love call ~

Challenge: Declaring and expressing your love to the one who matters to you
Extra Challenge: Express with words and actions
Goals: To express your love within boldly and freely, leave no regrets and let your love one refilled with your love
Time required: 1 hour
Energy level: Medium-High (on heart & soul level)
Preparation: Prepare 2 declaration of love statements and 1 action

Here are few heart-felt statements for your reference:

  • My life is with a purpose when I am with you
  • I want to live the rest of my life with you
  • You make me feel so special
  • I want to build something great with you in life
  • You are the one I want to be with
  • You are exactly what I need in my life
  • You are my everything, my whole world
  • I want to have children with you
  • You make me feel at home
  • I love you even with your picky character; I learn to appreciate you the whole package
  • You make me feel loved and cherished
  • With you, I may start doing big project and not feeling alone

* Encourage and support us by sharing this post with your friends or clicking “LIKE” if you like our post:)

Don’t forget to share with us your experiences and how your life has changed because of the challenge!!

 
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Posted by on October 24, 2012 in Weekly

 

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Completed – 30 Days on How to love your partner :)

30 Days to Love Our Partners!! We did it :) 

Dear Friends and Readers :)

After 30 Days on How to love yourself moreI have challenged myself on 30 Days on How to love your partner. It has been a great 30 days in my life and for my relationship with my partner. I have carried out the daily actions myself; some are quite challenging and requiring lots of space between my partner and I, some are easier and fun to do. We not only get to know each other much more in a deeper level, but also using the opportunities to make commitments embracing our differences and common goals in life. Both my partner and I have learnt a lot in this 30 days journey, I truly hope this mini-journey has brought and shared different perspectives of relationship, enriched and helped your relationship in any ways. 

Thank you all who read my posts, shared comments, gave feedback and liked what I believe :) Learning how to love is a lifelong journey, hope to see or hear from you again on the road.

I wish all of us all creating and profiting from the life we want and we create!

Love from Hsing/Cindy
 
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Posted by on August 31, 2012 in Thoughts

 

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Day 12 – Set time aside for quality time together with your partner.

What or whom you spend most of your quality time with is the love of our life~

So what and whom do you spend most of your quality time with? Your work, managing your wealth or with the love ones (i.e. partner and or children), families or on your health, having pleasures or…. Do you allocate your time based on the urgency of the subjects or their importance? Notice how easily or reluctantly when you shift the reserved time for one subject and subsequently change to another, i.e. shift time for exercise to watching TV instead or sacrifice the time with families for another hour at work and so on.

For a couple who lives together, they most likely have 7 hours together, assuming 9 hours for work, 8 hours for sleeping and no other social activities. It seems lots of hours spent together, but it doesn’t mean they have good quality time together. Couple talks to each other on daily trivial matters (i.e. what to eat tonight, who is to do the dishes), on common interests (i.e. where to go for the weekend or holiday) and responsibilities (i.e. children education, pet disciplines); perhaps only occasionally talks and shares about their inner thoughts and feelings if situations allow. How many couples you know that actually allocate a couple quality time once a week together?

Couple attracts to each other at first due to their looks, personalities and characters, thoughts and feelings shared with each other and things they do together. They unite because they passionately want the same things, have common interests and goals to achieve, and love spending time together, even a life time! As relation evolves and time progresses, there are more parties involved (i.e. pets, in-laws, children), more things and events happen requiring more of your attention. Despites all the things are happening, if you want staying attracted to each other, continue to have the desire being close and intimate with each other, wanting to spend whole life time together, both of you would need to continue having and doing what unite both of you at the start; putting some efforts in maintaining them!

When are the moments you both feel mostly united or bonded together in your relationship? Is it after you share a passionate getaway weekend or vacation? Or is it after sharing intimate thoughts and inner feelings? Or is it after having some drinks and some fun together? Or maybe when the apologies and making up start after a heated argument with high emotions? The crucial point is to find your magical moments and potions that keep both of your passion alive for each other. Revitalize these moments and feelings throughout your entire relationship.

Time is what you make of it. Prioritize the quality time you spend with your partner, because your relationship is the foundation of your (potential) marriage life, the pillars of your parents-children relationship and the heart & soul which completes your life.

Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)

Setting time aside and having quality time with my partner at least once a week to build and enjoy our relationship further; just for two of us and no other interruptions, i.e. no phone calls, delays, house work, children or friends…etc. I devote my 100% attention.

For your actions:

(1) Make a date (i.e. candle light dinner, Sunday brunch or…) with your partner right away to share the idea of set time aside for quality time together; this will be your first attempt!

(2) Schedule a time once a week with your partner; commit and make it a regular get together for sharing, having fun or intimacy.

 
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Posted by on August 12, 2012 in Thoughts

 

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Day 9 – Use your ears and listen with an open heart

Listen to what has been said, what has not being said and what been said between the lines.

We were created and born with a pair of ears for the purpose to listen; but we may not all live to this purpose. In our current fast pace world, as technology advances, our ways and speed of communicating enhances. We are so busy focusing on saying, talking and blab blab, forgetting to have the space to listen to others. We call our families and friends to tell them something happens around us; instead of asking others what happens around them. Why do you think children scream, because no one hears them until they scream?

How connected are your ears to your mind and to your heart? Does what you hear come in from one ear and go out immediately from another? Or does it go into your mind and heart, making an impact and leaving you holding onto them for some time? Listening is an art and also a skill to be learned, like placing yourself in your partner’s shoes (Day 8). For some, this skill may be more naturally been picked up than for others who require degrees of efforts to learn.

Active listening” is a way to enhance our listening skill: as it brings both the speaker and the listener to the same ground of understanding as much as possible through re-stating or paraphrasing what has been said and heard. In this “active listening” process, by listener’s shown interests and wanting to clarify, ensure correct understanding, it gives the speaker the satisfaction of being heard, understood and cared for. The listener at the same time may feel a sense of content due to the contribution made to the speaker. And this is exactly what we need in a healthy relationship where we embrace ‘understanding’, ‘care’ and ‘contribution’…etc.

We hear what we hear with our ears; but our mind and heart may process the messages differently. It’s like hearing with a filtering system. If we take off our filters and listen with speaker’s point of view, we could hear the messages that are:

  • Being said –> try to listen with speaker’s understanding and intention of what has been said, not with yours; your definition and interpretation of what you hear may be different from the speaker’s.
  • Being not said –> there may be something that the speaker couldn’t or decided not to say it loud; no harm to enquire further and get the full picture. The speaker may appreciate your further interests and share more.
  • Being said between the lines –> some hidden or unclear messages may be incorporated for some reasons; be sensitive, take some time to verify and understand them correctly. The speaker may secretly hope you getting the hidden messages.
  • Being said with facial expression and body language –> body cannot lie easily; observe carefully on what has been expressed through speaker’s facial expression and body. It helps to validate what you hear.

To hear with open heart is crucial in a relationship, because it means the heart is hearing the messages, all four types above, without any assumptions, guesses or judgments. It only feels and empathizes, seeking for full understanding. If you think you have been listening, listen again.

Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)

Listen with an open heart without any assumptions, guesses or judgments; listen to my partner with my partner’s definition, meaning and intention, not mine.

For your actions:

(1)    Share this idea of ‘listening with an open heart’ with your partner; and at the same time secretly observing how your partner listens and how you listen.

 
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Posted by on August 9, 2012 in Thoughts

 

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Day 8 – Wear your partner’s pants!

 To love your partner is to be able to be with your partner; see, hear and feel from your partner’s point of view together with yours.

Not everyone can easily put him or herself in the shoes of others; or always consider other’s feelings, needs and thoughts before making decisions or taking actions. Some have it naturally, but for some, it’s a skill to be learnt and a new concept to be accepted, i.e. when two becomes one, it’s no longer just ‘self’, but ‘we’, ‘us’ and ‘our’.

Think of one event currently is happening in your relationship: who is always expressing own opinions and thoughts, who is listening all the time? Do you or your partner take a moment to understand, discuss and agree on what the other is saying or trying to say? Are you really listening to what are being said and not said? How easy is it for you to be empathized about your partner and place yourself in your partner’s shoes? Or is it rather difficult?

Ever hear the story about three blind men trying to describe an elephant? One touches the leg and says an elephant is like a tall fat tree; one touches the nose and thinks it’s a tube shape animal; the one touches the skin and sure it’s a giant brush. What they describe is their partial understanding of an elephant; if they insist on own views only, they miss out the bigger picture, and the chance to really get to know what is an elephant, as well as the perspectives of learning something new together (with others’ input to see the full view).

In order to acquire this skill, you need respect and love. Respect: take the same importance and values of your partner’s saying and thoughts as your own, so that you will spend time to go through, analyze and fully understand. Be careful, EGO sometimes makes you to think less of your partner’s input. Love: share your partner’s feelings, care about how he or she reacts (so to adjust your chosen ways of communication) and keep mutual goals in mind. This allows a space for you and your views, your views and your partner’s views, as well as you and your partner, a space to get the best understanding of the subject matter, to discuss equally and an opportunity to unite and care for each other as a team while achieving common goals.

(This challenge is very stimulating for me, giving me goose pumps all over; because it is the area I want to improve on.)

Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)

Placing myself in my partner’s shoes, to respect and value his or her thoughts and feelings, to love and care for him or her by giving the space for us to process, discuss and decide as a united team.

For your actions:

(1)    From scale 1(seldom)-10 (very often), how often are you in others’ shoes?

(2)    Ask your partner to rate on the scale 1-10.

(3)    List out at least 10 benefits for you and your relationship, if you are placing yourself in your partner’s shoes. Invite your partner to do the same.

 
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Posted by on August 8, 2012 in Thoughts

 

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Day 6 – Beliefs about love ~

Your beliefs about love are important as they guide you through the journey of love, dictate your behaviors in love and strengthen you while becoming love.

When we were young, we get to know ‘love’ through our parents; the ways they love us and love each others are what we understand as ‘love’. As we grow up, we expose to ‘love’ not only through observing how others love, but also experiencing ‘love’ on our own receiving and giving. We modify our understanding and concept about ‘love’ and form different beliefs, thoughts, hypothesis and experimental trials about love.

What are your beliefs about love?

Our beliefs guide us heading into the directions we want to go, provide us the courage to continue at difficult time and empower us to do our best reaching for the final goals. It’s very powerful and yet dangerous if the beliefs are harmful (to self and others), distorted or are self-limiting beliefs. Even though our beliefs depict the context of our course of actions, but not to forget that we are the master of our own beliefs; we are responsible and we have the power to adjust our beliefs if necessary. We want our beliefs work for us, not against us.

A personal example: I used to believe ‘love at first sight’ and the instant love connection with ‘the one’; I believe the existence of ‘the one’ (fully ready just waiting for me) and I would just to treasure and be in the relationship as simple as it is (not much work needs to be done and forever happy ever after). After few failures, I decided to change my beliefs. I still believe the existence of ‘the one’, but instead of the above mentioned, I believe ‘he is the one that I want to create my future with’. This has changed my whole perspectives on love connection, ideal partner searching and relationship maintenance work required in love journey ever after! So far my current partner is enjoying the fruit of my new beliefs.

Are your beliefs in love still working favorably for you? If yes, I am happy for you and would like to invite you sharing with us if you permit; if not, take this opportunity to review and adjust your beliefs if needed. Our beliefs are our perceptions of the world; it may be adjusted, created or removed (easily if you allow). Be the master of your own beliefs!


(Ps. The word ‘love’ in the texts above may be substituted with ‘marriage’ for another discussion.)

Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)

Reviewing my beliefs about love and adjust if needed, so that the beliefs serve the purpose of my ideal love relationship, as well as our current relationship.

For your actions:

(1)    List out 10 beliefs you have about ‘love’ and assess if the beliefs serve the purpose of your ideal love relationship, as well as your current relationship.

(2)    Ask your partner to share his or her beliefs.

 

 
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Posted by on August 6, 2012 in Thoughts

 

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