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A new year, a new pair of eyes seeing the world!

 “While every year starts with a new beginning, why not for a change, let’s see the world with a pair of new eyes?” 

Look through different pair of eyes

2012 is heading to an end and 2013 is almost a blink away. What are your plans on celebrating 2012 achievements and on starting goals for 2013?

Remember not too long ago, we were setting our goals for 2012 (Resolutions) Project and now it’s time we reflect on how much we have achieved and by-passed. The goals were there, because they were important to us and bought us a sense of purpose in our daily life. They constantly encourage and challenge us that we may be the persons we want to be and be a better self today than yesterday! We celebrate and be proud of our achievements!

On the other hand, where we underachieved, we try to understand the underlying root causes and our deepest obstacles, with bravery, we face our weaknesses or darkness without self-judgment and accept who we are with kindness.

It is very controversial subject, should we accept who we are and embrace ourselves as we are or should we continuously strike to seek personal excellence and be better each single day. This is a question only for you; only you will know and you decide. What’s important is, no matter what is your choice, be yourself entirely. If you want to run ahead, go for it~ if you want to take a longer rest, so be it. 2013 is your year for being truly and kindly to yourself.

Every year after the new year count down, we start with ’1st January’. It’s the first date into another year, decade or hundred years. You may already have something new (Christmas specials) or hoping for something new and exciting to happen in 2013 or just simply want a new start and a different year. It’s a great challenge for you and all of us to view our existing environments, especially relationships with our spouse, children, parents, colleagues…etc, and with ourselves with different perspectives and with a new pair of eyes of your own choice.

‘A new pair of eyes of your own choice’ means you take off the glasses you have been wearing in the past years and put on a new pair. If your old pair of eyes used to look at yourself with critical self-judgment, then with the new pair, you’d no longer doing so; if your old pair always showed you the self of a broken heart and powerless soul, let the new pair shows you the abundance of love and spirit full mind. When you start to see yourself, people around you and things with your new eyes, new things appear!

So before you leave with the new pair of eyes, answer yourself the following questions:

  • what are the 3 aspects you would like your new eyes to see? Example: always the truth, the honesty, the positive side, your inner feelings, others’ feelings, the fun and creativity, the gentleness and kindness…etc.
  • what would you not let yourself to be blind by?

I have my pair ready! Waiting for yours, so we see the world together with the new pair of eyes!!

 
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Posted by on December 29, 2012 in Thoughts

 

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14 Days: 14 acts of kindness (2012.W44)

(Ending Sunday 14th November 2012)

Kindness is a selfless act inspired by the love within. It’s a most natural act of love.

Personally I believe we all have a love bulb within us. We have the ability to self-generate the energy and brighten the bulb up any time as we wish. And we all forget about this. In our lives, we have parents, families, friends, colleagues or strangers, people around us who either help us to illuminate brighter or to dim our brightness. We let them influence how bright we are, may be and will be; and neglect the important thing that we are the source of our own brightness.

When the light bulb is on, it radiates warmth and the act of kindness just shines through and takes place itself with abundant love.

The World Kindness Day is coming, on the 13th November! Will you let your love bulb illuminate to the maximum brightness?

Join us!

Challenge: join 14 Days, 14 acts of kindness in PERSONAL EXCELLENCE
Extra Challenge: Extend to 30 Days of kindness
Goals: Just light up the love bulb inside you and let your warmth shine through
Time required: 14 days to 30 days
Energy level: Medium to high
Preparation: Be kind to yourself first :)

* Encourage and support us by sharing this post with your friends or clicking “LIKE” if you like our post:)

Don’t forget to share with us your experiences and how your life has changed because of the challenge!!

 
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Posted by on October 29, 2012 in Weekly

 

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Day 28 – Give your partner time, space and patience to grow

Everything takes its time to grow, mature and consummate. By pulling the seeding, it will not help the plant to grow faster.

We have been brought up differently accordingly to our parents’ teaching, our social backgrounds, cultures and educations; we are learning through various thinking models, institutions and techniques; we are also growing and maturing based on our own unique personal experiences, failures and successes. Each of us has own favorite and effective ways of learning and requiring different time frames and space to grow. What is your most effective and efficient way to develop? In which areas would you like to improve and in what manners?

In a couple relationships, it is always easier to identify what our partners may improve, develop, grow up and get mature on. Our partners may agree or disagree on our views and take or not take actions subsequently. It is important that despite what we think or wish, our partners are individuals who are responsible for their own well-beings, own personal developments and growth, and we are here to support them, but not to take actions on behalf of them. Let them do at their own pace and timing.

If the above describes you in the relationship with your partner, taking this opportunity to open up a space where you are supporting and embracing your partner’s ways of enhancing him or herself. If your partner chooses not to do much about his or her own personal growth (after you challenge him or her out of own comfort zones), let him or her be. Perhaps your partner is thinking seriously and taking a break before starting or continuing. Let your own self-development be the inspiring example for your partner.

On the other hand, if your partner is the demanding, pushy one: express your gratitude to his or her goodwill on you; thank your partner for seeing your potentials and wanting the best for your development. Assure your partner that you are aware it’s your responsibility to grow, you are taking care of it; ask your partner to be patient and allow you to do it at your own speed and timing. Invite your partner to be a part of the process for the mental and physical supports, encouragements and recognitions, but not as an examiner who constantly checks for results.

Personal growth is a lifelong journey. It’s an honor to participate and be a part of someone’s development process, especially your partner’s. Seize the opportunity well, use your wisdom to support; let your involvements value-add your partner’s growth.

Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)

Empowering and trusting he or she is taking care of his or her personal development; providing encouragements and recognitions when he or she needs it and a space allowing him or her to grow at own pace and timing.

For your actions:

(1)    Take time to think about how do you participate in your partner’s personal development? Do you take charge or empower and allow your partner to grow as he or she wishes?

(2)    How could you support your partner more in his or her own development?

 
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Posted by on August 28, 2012 in Thoughts

 

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Day 20 – Forgive your partner ~

We normally think forgiveness is to be offered to others who hurt us, what we have forgotten is that forgiveness also set ourselves free, free of past hurts and pain.

We all made mistakes from big to small along the way in life. As we are all not perfect, we surely will make some more mistakes in the years to come. While we say ‘sorry’, make apologies to others, ask for forgiveness, do we also forgive others generously? If we could give our forgiveness to strangers, wouldn’t it be even easier to forgive our love ones?

We get hurts in relationship and these wounds require extra attention, love, care and time to heal. Instead of focusing and spending more energy and time on healing together with our partners, some of us choose to make a grudge, hold onto the partners who caused the pain and suffering, demand numerous apologies and wait for the partners to make up or heal the wounds; in some severe cases, some choose to spend lots time in getting back even. The healing process is postponed without further notice. Isn’t a sincere apology good enough for a loving relationship? Isn’t a good healing process together more important than getting even? Is it really so hard just to let go the grudge, forgive and start fresh again?

People hold on to their hurts because of ‘ego’, “How dare he or she hurts me like this…”, “How could he or she ignore my pain and my suffering?”, “After all I have done and sacrificed, how could he or she done…to me?”, it’s all about ‘YOU’, but not about them. Ego magnifies your hurts and pains, so you could justify the accusations and continue the actions against forgiveness. Are you aware of this situation and allowing ‘ego’ to sabotage you, your partner and your loving relationship?

‘To forgive’, it simply requires a change of mind and a declaration of “I forgive you”. ‘To forgive’, it doesn’t mean your hurt is now gone and forgotten; it is rather that your hurt is now being recognized and accepted by both you and your partner. If you have some doubts in how easy forgive someone may be, just take one thing that you are holding against your partner, simply just change your mind right now and say it aloud “I totally forgive him or her”. Does it make you feel much better, like dropping the heavy stone in your heart, lifting the tight painful feeling into the air or releasing the tears into your eyes? Don’t think much, forgive with your heart and say again, “I fully forgive him or her hurting me in…..” (be as specific and clear in what you are forgiving your partner as possible).

Making apology requires courage and sincerity; giving forgiveness also takes brevity and open heart. By apologizing, your partner has acknowledged his or her part of wrong doing and asking for your acceptance; by forgiving, you recognize and accept how vulnerable you are, prepare for healing and get ready to open up yourself again for your partner to get close. The sooner and faster you let go and forgive your partner hurting you, the faster both of you may start focusing on healing together. What are you still waiting for?

 

Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)

Taking a decision to change my mind and forgive my partner for all the hurts he or she has caused; vise versa (asking for my partner’s forgiveness).

For your actions:

(1)    Forgive your partner by saying to him or her “I forgive you, the time you…..” Ask your partner to listen first, but not to response to what you say; let your partner know the purpose of this exercise is to free both of you out of past hurts and blames, not to create new ones.

(2)    Ask your partner if he or she would like to do the same.

(3)    Discuss and agree with your partner that both of you will apologize to each other and ask for forgiveness in the same day when any hurt is done, not to allow any time for grudges to build on.

 
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Posted by on August 20, 2012 in Thoughts

 

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Day 19 – Stand by your partner

When you stand by someone, your heart, mind and soul are with this person; so do your actions.

Do you ever come across the situation where your partner tells a joke to a group of friends and even though you have already heard the joke hundredth times before, you are still laughing with your best efforts as if this is the first time you have just heard and enjoyed it very much? Or another situation where your family members are teasing or making jokes of your partner and you stand up to defense him or her in front of your families?

How do you stand by your partner? Will you be next to your partner holding the falling sky?  

To ‘stand by’ is to be right there when you are being needed; you are there to provide and offer physical and mental helps and support. Take an example: your partner is considering changing current job, because he or she doesn’t get along with the current boss. To stand by your partner is,

  • to listen and understand his or her reasoning of the situation,
  • to analyze and to look out for alternative solutions,
  • to empathize with his or her feelings and provide an exit for emotions,
  • to give comforts and support,
  • to affirm and respect his or her decisions,
  • as well as to encourage and supply during the change process.

To ‘stand’ by is to be there, especially when there are disappointments, defeats and negative emotions. You are the strength your partner could count on at down times; you are there to remind your partner his or her own strengths and potential, to shift the focus away from the weakness or temporary failures.

To ‘stand by’ your partner may seem difficult when you disagree with your partner’s decisions or course of actions. It’s important to distinguish, what are you disagree of and what may you still accept and respect despite the disagreement. Using the same example above: perhaps you may disagree on the timing of job changing as both of you are expecting a baby soon (may need extra income) or changing job is the only solution (instead of discuss or talk to the boss), irrespectively you could still choose to accept and respect your partner’s decision and support him or her thereafter (because his or her happiness at work is important to you too).

A couple in relationships is a team, where both join as one in love. If you stand by yourself in life, you will know how to stand by your partner in life together.

Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)

Standing by my partner and letting my partner know I will be there for him or her.

For your actions:

(1)    Rate yourself from scale 1 (a little)-10 (very much), how much do you stand by your partner?

(2)    In which areas do you think you have done a good job and in which areas you could do better, would like to offer more to your partner?

(3)    Ask your partner how he or she would like you to stand by them. You may be surprised to know that what you do as an act of standby may be different from what he or she expects or wishes to receive.

 

 
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Posted by on August 19, 2012 in Thoughts

 

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Day 14 – Having sex and making love ~

If having sex is like having a house, then making love is turning the house into a home.

Having sex is fun, exciting, a combustion of desire, physical attractions and intense energies, it’s a part of our primal animal nature instincts; making love involves feelings, exchange of deeper emotions, understanding, empathy and contentment of the mind.

In your relationship, are you having more sex or more love making? Are you having fun with your partner in the area? And are you exploring sex and love making as much as possible to enjoy the pleasures brought by vast options? What is your view about sex? How open are you to talk about sex and express your sexual desire? It’s perhaps not an open topic which everyone discusses or shares with anyone in public; but certainly it involves everyone as we all have sexual desires. It’s a part of our biological make-up, a part of us we will attend and take care of, just like other desires for food, love, physical growth and so on.

Are you taking care of your own sexual desire and expression? Do you know what stimulates and arouses you sexually? Have you explored your sexualities and likings? Sex is no longer an act of biological prolonging of life, passing the genes; but also becoming an enjoyment and a pleasure of physical bodies. Why not enjoy what your body may offer?

Making love shifts the whole act of having sex to another different level. Making love is more personal and involves more efforts and exchanges of inner emotions and vulnerabilities. Making love does not confine to when sex begins; it is happening all these time when you and your partner feel the love between. It may start from the morning wake up cuddles, goodbye kisses, warm messages or sexual SMS during the day, welcome home hugs, cooked meals, intimate time spent, good night kisses till holding hands together while sleeping; and it continues. If you allow, it’s making love 24 hours a day.

Something very important to embrace is that making love does not restricted to only physical, but also includes mental sensations and climax. As love grows stronger and deeper, our desire and needs of having sex may reduce (to balance) and yet not feeling deprived, it is because we are fulfilled by the satisfactions and contentment from love making based on intimacy and connectivity on the mental level. A mental climax has replaced physical climax.

Making love stimulates the excitements and the growth of a relationship, it encourages couples to open up physically and emotionally, it reminds couples to offer and provide for each other, to put efforts and be creative in supporting and be with each other, as well as it boosts our immune systems and keep ourselves physically fit and heart closer to each other. Let’s all make more love!

Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)

Putting efforts in having sex and making love; expressing and exploring my sexuality together with my partner, as well as creating and sharing more love moments between us.

For your actions:

(1)    Find out what ticks your sexual desire; consider sharing with your partner.

(1)    Try making love, do an act of love per day, for the whole month (Refer: 30 days of love making – an act of love per day).

(2)    Have a fun Sex and intimacy game with each other.

 
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Posted by on August 14, 2012 in Thoughts

 

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Day 13 – Are you ready for “into-me-see”?

You have to drop all your defenses; only then is intimacy possible. We are all hiding a thousand and one things, not only from others but from ourselves.~ By Osho

Most of us desire ‘intimacy’ in our relationship with love one, but afraid to be the first to share and give our inner self. Being intimate with self is to empathize, embrace and nurture with one’s own weaknesses, vulnerabilities, wounds and deep emotions; this requires tremendous  self-courage to face up own reality and self-love to accept with totality, to heal and grow out of the old wounds. Being intimate with our partners mean in additions to ‘being intimate with self’, we are to open up ourselves completely and to invite our partners to ‘into-me-see’.

Depending on how intimate we are with ourselves and how comfortable we are with how much our partners see our inner world, we set boundaries and scopes for intimacy. Every one of us has our own definition, understanding and requirements in terms of what are or constitute ‘intimacy’; so does every couple in relationship. For couple, no matter whether it is no secrets between the two, always honest and open with each other or sharing inner feelings, healing past wounds with compassion, or exposing own frailties and fear with other’s support and so on, the moment you both discuss and agree to have intimacy, you are already in the boat of intimacy. The more time and efforts invested in the ‘intimacy’ of your relationship, the more heart-felt moments you share and enjoy, leading to closer and tighter bond with each other.

Take a moment to ask yourself: are you intimate with yourself? Are you intimate with your partner? What does it mean by having intimacy with your partner and through what activities do you feel more intimate and closer to your partner? Perhaps you choose not to want intimacy or if you are afraid of being intimate? Explore and get to know yourself more around the subject of ‘intimacy’, i.e. your beliefs, behaviors, understanding and definitions; you may find the missing key which unlocks the door to intimacy, wounds or past secrets which may set free your hidden desires or abilities in becoming intimate.

Being intimate is a state of mind reflecting your connectivity with inner self or with your partner. It is a way of living and an art of life; it brings the fine finishing touch to relationship. You don’t need to be highly skilled to have intimacy with your partner, just a willing heart. Are you ready to ‘into-me-see’?

Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)

Being the first in our relationship to open up completely and invite my partner to ‘into-me-see’, trusting my partner will not hurt me; also patiently to encourage and enroll my partner to share his or her inner world with me.

For your actions:

(1)    Understand first your own relationship with self on ‘intimacy’, then the ‘intimacy’ in your relationship with the partner, i.e. your beliefs, understanding, definitions and expectations…etc.

(2)    Share and discuss with your partner your view on ‘intimacy’ and the desirable ‘intimacy’ within your relationship. Listen carefully what and how your partner answers and responses (first open up session to be intimate).

(3)    Find out what activities (will) make both of you feel intimate and close with each others, make plans for these activities.

 
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Posted by on August 13, 2012 in Thoughts

 

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Day 12 – Set time aside for quality time together with your partner.

What or whom you spend most of your quality time with is the love of our life~

So what and whom do you spend most of your quality time with? Your work, managing your wealth or with the love ones (i.e. partner and or children), families or on your health, having pleasures or…. Do you allocate your time based on the urgency of the subjects or their importance? Notice how easily or reluctantly when you shift the reserved time for one subject and subsequently change to another, i.e. shift time for exercise to watching TV instead or sacrifice the time with families for another hour at work and so on.

For a couple who lives together, they most likely have 7 hours together, assuming 9 hours for work, 8 hours for sleeping and no other social activities. It seems lots of hours spent together, but it doesn’t mean they have good quality time together. Couple talks to each other on daily trivial matters (i.e. what to eat tonight, who is to do the dishes), on common interests (i.e. where to go for the weekend or holiday) and responsibilities (i.e. children education, pet disciplines); perhaps only occasionally talks and shares about their inner thoughts and feelings if situations allow. How many couples you know that actually allocate a couple quality time once a week together?

Couple attracts to each other at first due to their looks, personalities and characters, thoughts and feelings shared with each other and things they do together. They unite because they passionately want the same things, have common interests and goals to achieve, and love spending time together, even a life time! As relation evolves and time progresses, there are more parties involved (i.e. pets, in-laws, children), more things and events happen requiring more of your attention. Despites all the things are happening, if you want staying attracted to each other, continue to have the desire being close and intimate with each other, wanting to spend whole life time together, both of you would need to continue having and doing what unite both of you at the start; putting some efforts in maintaining them!

When are the moments you both feel mostly united or bonded together in your relationship? Is it after you share a passionate getaway weekend or vacation? Or is it after sharing intimate thoughts and inner feelings? Or is it after having some drinks and some fun together? Or maybe when the apologies and making up start after a heated argument with high emotions? The crucial point is to find your magical moments and potions that keep both of your passion alive for each other. Revitalize these moments and feelings throughout your entire relationship.

Time is what you make of it. Prioritize the quality time you spend with your partner, because your relationship is the foundation of your (potential) marriage life, the pillars of your parents-children relationship and the heart & soul which completes your life.

Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)

Setting time aside and having quality time with my partner at least once a week to build and enjoy our relationship further; just for two of us and no other interruptions, i.e. no phone calls, delays, house work, children or friends…etc. I devote my 100% attention.

For your actions:

(1) Make a date (i.e. candle light dinner, Sunday brunch or…) with your partner right away to share the idea of set time aside for quality time together; this will be your first attempt!

(2) Schedule a time once a week with your partner; commit and make it a regular get together for sharing, having fun or intimacy.

 
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Posted by on August 12, 2012 in Thoughts

 

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Day 11 – Give the benefit of doubts!

Trust is earned or freely given?

Do you trust your partner? Do you trust yourself? In which areas do you have doubts in your partner? Is it related to your partner and himself (i.e. he always procrastinates in general) or between your partner and you (i.e. he only postpones the to-do tasks or events with you)? In which areas do you have doubts in yourself? Is it related to you and yourself or between you and your partner? Do you spot any correlation or patterns between you and your partner? The answers most likely inter-related because you reflect each other.

Trust, like happiness, is a state of mind. If you first trust your partner, whatever you hear, he or she says are all trustworthy and you response in trusting manners; positive atmosphere and energy go back and forth. On the other hand, if you do not trust your partner up front in the relationship or start to doubt, everything you hear is customized with suspicions and uncertainties, and you behave accordingly; the vicious circle of distrust starts. Distrust is like a poison, it slowly eats away your ideals, happiness, faith, love and the opportunity to a genuine trusting relationship.

What are your beliefs in the area of ‘Trust’? Do you think trust is earned or you could give it freely? If a stranger approaches you or a new friend asks more private matters about you, will you grant trust to this person and share more? How much trust will you give? What is your theory around the subject? And is it different for your partner? When will you trust your partner with your love (i.e. believing he or she will not hurt you in love) and your life (i.e. that he or she will not harm your life and is able to protect your life, as he or she is protecting his or hers)?

Trust is a choice and can be given to anyone at any time the moment you decide. By trusting others completely doesn’t free or guarantee you from harms; but it rather opens up what you can offer to others, to relationship, lets others know you are adequate and abundant, you afford to take the risks, as well as at the same time it encourages and enrolls others to take the same approach and do the same (to give you complete trust freely).

In S. Covey’s book, “Speed of Trust”, he uses the “ripple effect” metaphor with Self at the center and waves rippling from the inside out to describe the “5 Waves of Trust”, i.e. first trust wave is Self-Trust (credibility driven), second is Relationship-Trust (consistent behavior driven) wave, then follows …. It’s all starting from ourselves and we are the key to a successful trusting relationship.

Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)

Giving my partner the benefit of doubts and treating him or her with my total trust, respect and openness; before I jump into any conclusion or making any accusation of my partner, I will openly discuss and verify with my partner first.

For your actions:

(1) Ask yourself if you have given your partner the benefit of doubts? How much do you trust yourself and your partner in love?

(2) What does it take for you to give your partner complete trust?

 
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Posted by on August 11, 2012 in Thoughts

 

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Day 10 – Empower your partner!

Empowerment is the trust and power granted by a person or an institution to another; it is to invest, equip, supply or enable certain abilities.

We are all bestowed with an ability to choose the best for ourselves based on our best understanding of the situation. One’s best may differ from another as we are unique individuals and pursuing different meanings and goals in life. Some people’s best might turn out to be not the best due to limited or insufficient understanding while making the decisions. When we are in a team or in a relationship, the ‘best’ is no longer just merely for one, but for both parties.

In our practical daily relationship, we may have discussed and agreed with our partner on what is the ‘best’ for the major decisions or events; for the insignificant decisions and trivial, we trust and rely on each other’s best abilities to make the ‘best’ decisions for both. A couple-relationship is most solid and tightly bonded when both parties are equipped with the best of their abilities, performing what they accept as their duties and responsibilities voluntarily or willingly, as well as trusting each other and giving the space allowing mistakes.

Take a moment to reflect your current relationship, are you the one making all the decisions, doing all the work, taking care of children and overloaded not only with your own duties and responsibilities, but also your partner’s? Are you aware that you are dis-empowering your partner? Or are you the one being dis-empowered?

A couple may grow stronger physically and mentally together if they are compatible in most of the aspects, aligning and sharing the same beliefs, as well as being supportive to each other.

We all have own part of duties and responsibilities related to the roles we take in a relationship. The scope and the understanding of responsibility may vary depending on the background, beliefs, wishes and desires. It is important for a couple to clearly understand and define the scopes of their roles and what they each and jointly are responsible for.

Learn to let go and trust that each of you are doing the best of your abilities for the relationship; give and share constructive feedback. Empowering each other!

Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)

Acknowledging my partner is doing the best of his or her ability for our relationship and I support my partner by trusting and empowering him or her; not by dis-empowering, making judgments, criticisms or nonconstructive feedback.

For your actions:

(1)    Ask yourself if you are empowering or dis-empowering your partner in the relationship? Find out the underlying reasons for your dis-empowering.

(2)    List out 5 areas where you would or could empower your partner and share your thoughts with your partner on the decision.

 
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Posted by on August 10, 2012 in Thoughts

 

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