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Day 21 – Challenge your partner out of comfort zone!

“I’m continually trying to make choices that put me against my own comfort zone. As long as I am uncomfortable, it means I am growing.” By Ashton Kutcher

None of us like to be challenged or confronted most of the time; and yet there is always at least one person who will challenge and confront us out of our comfort zone in life, believing we are much more than what we currently are, no matter we like it or see it or not. It may be our parents, our teachers, our friends, our colleagues or bosses, our partners or even we. This person uses all imaginable ways to invite, enroll, pull, push or force us in taking a leap of faith to try new things, new beliefs and new experiences, so we may go beyond ourselves. This person has strong faith in us and commits to our personal growth more than we ever have for ourselves. Who is this person in your life?

Ever notices that it is easier for us to try something new which we are keen about than something new however we are not too enthusiastic? It seems more challenging for us to try new things that we are not so interested in. Most of us like to be in an environment which is stable, familiar and comfortable, so that we remain in controls and are able to anticipate what’s happening next with no surprises. To step out of comfort zone requires fast learning, ability to adapt and courage to face uncertainties and take up the loss of total control. It sounds daunting for some of us; yet it sounds extreme exciting and promising for some!

How does it sound for you and your partner? Do you both embrace personal learning and growth? Do you challenge each other to be a better self or out of own comfort zones? How do you support each other while challenging each other? Or perhaps both of you are happy staying at own comfort zones? There is no right or wrong answer, but an answer that both of you have chosen and happy about.

As we all just live once and there are so many things out there to offer, why not make the best out of them, out of what you can give and receive? Live up to your full potentials?

Do you recognize your partner’s full potentials? While challenging your partner out of his or her comfort zones, not to forget your involvements and supports are very important. You may support your partner via:

  • believing in your partner’s potentials and best abilities that he or she can achieve it
  • discussing, rationalizing the challenges with your partner, assisting him or her to understand what are the potential benefits of taking up the challenges
  • listening carefully your partner’s resistances and helping to find out what are the root resistances, i.e. scare of failure, hurts, death or lose control…etc
  • encouraging with words and actions, affirming and making them feel good about taking up the challenges
  • following through your partner’s development progress and be there for your partner
  • leading by example that you challenge yourself too or do the same challenges as your partner, be with your partner’s challenge buddy
  • leveraging on the influence of others who your partner respects, asking them to encourage and support your partner too
  • getting familiar with the new challenging environment and to be with people who share the same challenges

Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)

Challenging my partner out of his or her comfort zone with my love and support.

For your actions:

(1)    Do you recognize your partner’s full potentials? How do you see your partner is greater than he or she currently is? Consider to challenge your partner going beyond his or her current ability; if yes, in what areas?

(2)    Think through how you will challenge your partner out of his or her comfort zones, i.e. why is it important, in which areas, what are the benefits and in what tone or manner will you use to communicate.

(3)    Ask yourself the same question (1) above.

 

 
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Posted by on August 21, 2012 in Thoughts

 

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Day 20 – Forgive your partner ~

We normally think forgiveness is to be offered to others who hurt us, what we have forgotten is that forgiveness also set ourselves free, free of past hurts and pain.

We all made mistakes from big to small along the way in life. As we are all not perfect, we surely will make some more mistakes in the years to come. While we say ‘sorry’, make apologies to others, ask for forgiveness, do we also forgive others generously? If we could give our forgiveness to strangers, wouldn’t it be even easier to forgive our love ones?

We get hurts in relationship and these wounds require extra attention, love, care and time to heal. Instead of focusing and spending more energy and time on healing together with our partners, some of us choose to make a grudge, hold onto the partners who caused the pain and suffering, demand numerous apologies and wait for the partners to make up or heal the wounds; in some severe cases, some choose to spend lots time in getting back even. The healing process is postponed without further notice. Isn’t a sincere apology good enough for a loving relationship? Isn’t a good healing process together more important than getting even? Is it really so hard just to let go the grudge, forgive and start fresh again?

People hold on to their hurts because of ‘ego’, “How dare he or she hurts me like this…”, “How could he or she ignore my pain and my suffering?”, “After all I have done and sacrificed, how could he or she done…to me?”, it’s all about ‘YOU’, but not about them. Ego magnifies your hurts and pains, so you could justify the accusations and continue the actions against forgiveness. Are you aware of this situation and allowing ‘ego’ to sabotage you, your partner and your loving relationship?

‘To forgive’, it simply requires a change of mind and a declaration of “I forgive you”. ‘To forgive’, it doesn’t mean your hurt is now gone and forgotten; it is rather that your hurt is now being recognized and accepted by both you and your partner. If you have some doubts in how easy forgive someone may be, just take one thing that you are holding against your partner, simply just change your mind right now and say it aloud “I totally forgive him or her”. Does it make you feel much better, like dropping the heavy stone in your heart, lifting the tight painful feeling into the air or releasing the tears into your eyes? Don’t think much, forgive with your heart and say again, “I fully forgive him or her hurting me in…..” (be as specific and clear in what you are forgiving your partner as possible).

Making apology requires courage and sincerity; giving forgiveness also takes brevity and open heart. By apologizing, your partner has acknowledged his or her part of wrong doing and asking for your acceptance; by forgiving, you recognize and accept how vulnerable you are, prepare for healing and get ready to open up yourself again for your partner to get close. The sooner and faster you let go and forgive your partner hurting you, the faster both of you may start focusing on healing together. What are you still waiting for?

 

Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)

Taking a decision to change my mind and forgive my partner for all the hurts he or she has caused; vise versa (asking for my partner’s forgiveness).

For your actions:

(1)    Forgive your partner by saying to him or her “I forgive you, the time you…..” Ask your partner to listen first, but not to response to what you say; let your partner know the purpose of this exercise is to free both of you out of past hurts and blames, not to create new ones.

(2)    Ask your partner if he or she would like to do the same.

(3)    Discuss and agree with your partner that both of you will apologize to each other and ask for forgiveness in the same day when any hurt is done, not to allow any time for grudges to build on.

 
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Posted by on August 20, 2012 in Thoughts

 

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Day 17 – The power of serving your partner!

Everyone has something to give, no matter it is big or small.

Mother Teresa once said: “Prayer in action is love, and love in action is service. Try to give unconditionally whatever a person needs in the moment. The point is to do something, however small, and show you care through your actions by giving your time…” Love is an action word and through the actions of love, it’s serving others; serving your partner. Are you serving your partner?

Serving’ here is not in the context of being a servant and does what has been told; but rather choose to do something with a willing heart and without seeking any rewards or returns. We all want to be the queens and kings at home and in the relationship, to be served with love and care, be pampered and taken care of endlessly. This is possible in long term only if it begins with us. Serve your partner first as how you would want to be served. 

Each of us is bestowed with the ability to serve others, to give and share a piece of us, materially like our physical belongings or intangibly, i.e. our support, words of encouragement… or even a simple smile. If we are willing to shift our focus on our partner, open our eyes and ears to observe the needs of our partners and hear the hidden cries for attention and help, we may seize the opportunities to offer ourselves and enrich the relationship by serving our partners.

When was the last time you serve your partner, do something for him or her? It may be something small, like running your partner a bath, giving some massages, bringing him or her breakfast in bed to something a bit deeper, i.e. giving mental comforts and support, words of encouragements or offering empathy and compassion. It can be anything and can be more than what your partner needs. It’s up to us to decide that ‘serving our partners’ starts with us right now and it’s important to serve with a ‘happy willing’ heart!

By serving your partner, you are serving yourself and enrolling your partner to serve you.Serving’ provides us the opportunities to be part and to contribute to our partners’ lives and the life we are together; it validates our abundance in love and heart, as well as it gives meanings and values to our relationships with our partners.

Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)

Serving my partner with a willing heart.

For your actions:

(1)    Take a moment to review your perception on and definition of ‘serving’. Does your current understanding affect how you could have helped others who are in needs? Will it make any differences if you see ‘serving’ differently?

(2)    Make some efforts in serving your partner for the rest of the month August.

(3)    Ask your partner “How well do I serve you?” and open up a conversation with your partner over this topic.

 
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Posted by on August 17, 2012 in Thoughts

 

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Day 16 – Compromise is inevitable in a healthy relationship

Compromise is not a change of heart, but rather changes in expectation and tactics.

Is it possible for you to love someone who is so different to you? Is it also possible for you to live with him or her? Are you embracing the differences between you two or repulsing the differences? Are you allowing the differences to work in favor of your relationship or to fracture the connection? Do you need a partner to complement you or want a partner who is just like you? Be careful, what you need and what you want sometimes are not the same.

Strictly speaking under micro-inspection, every single one of us is a unique individual. We are all different from each other; even though we may share a lot in common. Couples who are very similar to each other and share many common beliefs, interests and habits, they tend to bond faster, closer and their relationship progresses further than the couples who have greater differences between them. This does not mean the couples who are similar do not compromise or do not argue. We all take time (long or short) to adjust ourselves to be with other people.

What are your beliefs on ‘compromise’? Are you compromising a lot in your current love relationship? How do you feel about it? Dictionary definitions of ‘compromise’ are (1) to settle by mutual concessions and (2) to reduce the quality, value, or degree of something. In point 1, it is stated ‘compromise’ are about two people agreeing on something. If one agrees, but not the other, this is not a compromise. It may help us if we first understand the differences between ‘agree’ vs. ‘accept’. A typical tooth paste squeezing example: I may disagree with the way my partner is squeezing the tooth paste (from the bottom), because that’s not how I do it (from the middle), however I accept his way of doing, because that’s the way he is, and since I accept, I will not be bothered or nagging about this difference. If both shares the same view, in this case, there is nothing to compromise, even both may disagree, but both accept each other’s way. And this is the power of acceptance. In point 2, personally believe ‘compromise’ sometimes brings inconveniences for individuals, because it is no longer just one person’s way; however it does not necessary reduce the quality, value or degree of something, instead it brings the synergy of a joined agreement where both are benefiting from.

Compromise in a relationship is inevitable and it’s a sign of respectful partnership. If you find to ‘compromise’ is slightly difficult, take a moment to find the root causes. To compromise is not to ask you to change your heart intention or lower your standard, instead it’s about you changing the expectation of the joint situation (no longer just one person’s situation) and the ways of dealing with the joint event together with your partner taking into consideration of his or her expectation.

Ps. A point to think further: if you find the right partner, there is no need to compromise.

Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)

Compromise.

For your actions:

(1)    Take a moment to answer: do you compromise in your relationship? From a scale of 1 (not compromising at all) -10 (being compromising too much), how would you rate yourself and your partner? And how do you feel about it? Dig deeper to find the reasons.

(2)    Ask your partner to rate from scale 1-10 about him or her being compromising and about you. Take the opportunity to align both understanding about ‘compromise’; share each other’s view and feelings towards ‘compromise’.

(3)    Do one of the activities with your partner that he or she likes, but you are not too keen on. Try compromise by doing and see what it will bring you!

 

 
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Posted by on August 16, 2012 in Thoughts

 

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Day 15 – One loving kiss a day, live 5 minutes longer ~

“Hug is a perfect gift; one size fits all, and nobody minds if you exchange it.” By unknown author.

Since we were children, we have experienced the power of body contacts in our daily life. Perhaps It’s through a kiss on the wound as a placebo, believing the wound is no longer painful or a soothing chest rub while having a cold, hoping we will heal from the cold or from a shoulder to lean on which offers sharing of burdens and of a weary heart, or even by the comforting hugs which embraces deep understanding and a broken heart. We all need body contacts to nurture our souls.

Body contact provides the affection that we need in a relationship with others in a magical way; it provides physical closeness and sensations (especially with our partner), assurance and encouragement, as well as fulfills and brings the satisfaction of the mind. It’s a meeting point where energies join together, gaining and releasing of energy between two people, where synergy arises for the greater benefits of the two. Particularly in a love relationship, couple may melt into each other’s presence and becoming stronger, more invincible as one to challenge, conquer and achieve their goals ahead.

Maintaining body contacts with each other within a couple relationships is important and essential; the more frequent you have body contacts with each other, the more loving and closely bonded you are with each other. Try having 1 kiss, 1 hug and 10 minutes holding hands every day for a week and you tell me the differences in your relationship. Just imagine this: try to kiss your partner right after a heated argument with him or her while you are still mad at your partner? Or try to hug your partner after he or she says something hurtful to you. It is hard to do so, right? Maybe a little bit later. The point is that our bodies could not lie and it’s a little more difficult to ask your body to pretend that ‘we are still much in love’ or ‘it is ok’. Have you been hugging each other lately? Been kissing, holding hands and love making?

On average 60-70% of messages are communicated by nonverbal behaviors; body postures, gestures and facial expressions, even eye movements give clues to the attitudes or state of minds of a person. With our partners, the best is when both are open and honest with each other completely, so no guessing work is required. With body languages, we are able to observe and understand our partners better, be more caring and sensitive in delivering our messages in a conversation and show our admiration, affection and love with our arms and bodies. We are all blessed and equipped with tools, i.e. our arms, legs and bodies; why not use them to do something great?!

Lastly, here are my telepathic hugs and kisses, XOXO for all of you who have read my posts and accompanied me so far during the journey of loving your partner! You are the motivation of my writing. A big teddy bear hug goes to all of you!

Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)

Giving my partner generously my hugs, kisses and all that I can offer with my body!

For your actions:

(1)    Give my partner 1 kiss, 1 hug and 10 minutes holding hands per day for a week; see if there is any difference in our relationship.

 

 

 
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Posted by on August 15, 2012 in Thoughts

 

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Sex and Intimacy Game

(For readers more than 18 years old)

Preparation 1:

  • 8cm x 8 cm post-it (30 sheets in the same color)
  • 2 pens, a timer and a bowl
  • 3 hours from each player, set aside for fun! (no interruptions, i.e. phone calls, SMS and no subsequent arrangement)

Preparation 2:

  • Use the post-it, each writes down 6 questions (1 question per sheet) relating areas of sexual desire, love, intimacy…etc., that you are curious about your partner. Once you have completed writing, fold the post-it inwards 3 times, so that writings inside the post-it are not visible from outside. Put them in the bowl. The questions are designed to get to know each other more; not to put your partner in an accusation stand (i.e. why do you want me to….) or in a difficult situation (i.e. out of all your ex, who do you love the most). Remember it’s about you and your partner, not with anyone else. Good examples are: (questions start with ‘what’, ‘when’, ‘where’ and ‘how’)
  1. What would you like me to do more in bed that makes you feel good?
  2. When do you feel most intimate or close to your partner?
  • Write down the following 8 questions or happy-to-do in separate 8 post-it sheets and mix well with your 12 pieces of post-it in the bowl.
  1. Name 1 sensual part of your own body and ask your partner to lick the part with the remaining minutes
  2. Ask your partner to share intimate thoughts with you by you start saying: “Trust me that you are safe with me emotionally, share with me how you feel lately”
  3. Express gratitude on 5 things your partner has done for you lately
  4. Name 3 aspects or reasons that your partner is sexy in your point of view
  5. Kiss and breath all over your partner’s face, except your partner’s mouth
  6. Name 5 qualities in your partner that attract you very much
  7. Say 3 things that you would want your partner to know right now
  8. Apologize to your partner for 3 things you have neglected or wouldn’t have done lately
  • Set the timer for 3 minutes

Game On:

  1. Decide who will go first; the first person picks a post-it from the bowl
  2. Use up full 3 minutes (with the help of a timer) to answer the question or to perform the happy-to-do task on the post-it.
  3. It’s possible that you have picked your own post-it; this is perfectly fine. Your partner would not mind to know more about you with your own questions.
  4. Then change turn, the second person repeats no.1-3 above.

Remember: the objective is to have fun, be open and honest as much as possible to each other, be brave to try the happy-to-do and share your inner emotions, as well as to have sex and intimacy at the same time. Hope both of you have fun!!

If you are in the mood for more, why not have a read in our other post, 30 days of love making – an act of love per day.

 
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Posted by on August 14, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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30 days of love making – an act of love per day

(Refer: action no.2 in Day 14 – Having sex and making love ~ of our 30 Days on How to love your partner series)

Below are 30 days of actions for your reference. Some may be more challenging and appealing than others, dare yourself out of comfort zone and see what the act of love making may bring you! There may be some surprises waiting for you! Give them a try and have fun!!

  • Day 1 – write a love note and put into your partner’s shirt pocket or hand bags
  • Day 2 – tell your partner you love him or her
  • Day 3 – invite your partner to bathe or take a shower together
  • Day 4 – express your gratitude towards your partner through a piece of cake
  • Day 5 – write a note with at least 5 qualities that your partner has that you appreciate
  • Day 6 – prepare a nice meal for your partner
  • Day 7 – entice sex life with special lingerie or outfit
  • Day 8 – be at the door when your partner returns from work, give a deep welcome home hug
  • Day 9 – give a goodbye kiss when your partner leaves for work, wishing him or her a nice day
  • Day 10 – give your partner a sexual message, email or SMS during the day (be spontaneous and a little wild)
  • Day 11 – give a word of encouragement
  • Day 12 – let your partner know you are here for him or her
  • Day 13 – organize a lunch date together, make efforts to meet up
  • Day 14 – ask your partner how has his or her day been and prepare to listen
  • Day 15 – tell your partner a surprise awaits at home when he or she returns from work; and welcome your partner home naked
  • Day 16 – find a song dedicate it to your partner, expressing how you feel about him or her
  • Day 17 – surprise your partner by taking him or her out to dinner tonight
  • Day 18 – give your partner a foot massage
  • Day 19 – take your partner out to enjoy a spa/theater/exhibition/movie/stand-up comedy… (depending what your partner normally like to do)
  • Day 20 – send a flower to your partner’s office (if you have male partner, give it a try; he may enjoy the attention brought by the flowers received)
  • Day 21 – tell your partner your sexual fantasy or what you like about your partner in bed
  • Day 22 – do something for your partner (that he or she has been asking you to do)
  • Day 23 – give your partner a shoulder rub or message
  • Day 24 – in bed 10 minutes before your partner; get naked and put some music on..
  • Day 25 – give your partner at least 20 kisses throughout the whole day today
  • Day 26 – pamper and give your partner a small gift

  • Day 27 – write your partner a love letter expressing what he or she has made you realized or learnt about love and relationship; also tell how important he or she is in your life
  • Day 28 – give your partner a head message
  • Day 29 – try a different position in making love
  • Day 30 – tell your partner one incident where he or she touches your heart deeply
  • Day 31 – love the way you want with your own style

 
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Posted by on August 14, 2012 in Thoughts

 

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Day 14 – Having sex and making love ~

If having sex is like having a house, then making love is turning the house into a home.

Having sex is fun, exciting, a combustion of desire, physical attractions and intense energies, it’s a part of our primal animal nature instincts; making love involves feelings, exchange of deeper emotions, understanding, empathy and contentment of the mind.

In your relationship, are you having more sex or more love making? Are you having fun with your partner in the area? And are you exploring sex and love making as much as possible to enjoy the pleasures brought by vast options? What is your view about sex? How open are you to talk about sex and express your sexual desire? It’s perhaps not an open topic which everyone discusses or shares with anyone in public; but certainly it involves everyone as we all have sexual desires. It’s a part of our biological make-up, a part of us we will attend and take care of, just like other desires for food, love, physical growth and so on.

Are you taking care of your own sexual desire and expression? Do you know what stimulates and arouses you sexually? Have you explored your sexualities and likings? Sex is no longer an act of biological prolonging of life, passing the genes; but also becoming an enjoyment and a pleasure of physical bodies. Why not enjoy what your body may offer?

Making love shifts the whole act of having sex to another different level. Making love is more personal and involves more efforts and exchanges of inner emotions and vulnerabilities. Making love does not confine to when sex begins; it is happening all these time when you and your partner feel the love between. It may start from the morning wake up cuddles, goodbye kisses, warm messages or sexual SMS during the day, welcome home hugs, cooked meals, intimate time spent, good night kisses till holding hands together while sleeping; and it continues. If you allow, it’s making love 24 hours a day.

Something very important to embrace is that making love does not restricted to only physical, but also includes mental sensations and climax. As love grows stronger and deeper, our desire and needs of having sex may reduce (to balance) and yet not feeling deprived, it is because we are fulfilled by the satisfactions and contentment from love making based on intimacy and connectivity on the mental level. A mental climax has replaced physical climax.

Making love stimulates the excitements and the growth of a relationship, it encourages couples to open up physically and emotionally, it reminds couples to offer and provide for each other, to put efforts and be creative in supporting and be with each other, as well as it boosts our immune systems and keep ourselves physically fit and heart closer to each other. Let’s all make more love!

Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)

Putting efforts in having sex and making love; expressing and exploring my sexuality together with my partner, as well as creating and sharing more love moments between us.

For your actions:

(1)    Find out what ticks your sexual desire; consider sharing with your partner.

(1)    Try making love, do an act of love per day, for the whole month (Refer: 30 days of love making – an act of love per day).

(2)    Have a fun Sex and intimacy game with each other.

 
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Posted by on August 14, 2012 in Thoughts

 

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Day 13 – Are you ready for “into-me-see”?

You have to drop all your defenses; only then is intimacy possible. We are all hiding a thousand and one things, not only from others but from ourselves.~ By Osho

Most of us desire ‘intimacy’ in our relationship with love one, but afraid to be the first to share and give our inner self. Being intimate with self is to empathize, embrace and nurture with one’s own weaknesses, vulnerabilities, wounds and deep emotions; this requires tremendous  self-courage to face up own reality and self-love to accept with totality, to heal and grow out of the old wounds. Being intimate with our partners mean in additions to ‘being intimate with self’, we are to open up ourselves completely and to invite our partners to ‘into-me-see’.

Depending on how intimate we are with ourselves and how comfortable we are with how much our partners see our inner world, we set boundaries and scopes for intimacy. Every one of us has our own definition, understanding and requirements in terms of what are or constitute ‘intimacy’; so does every couple in relationship. For couple, no matter whether it is no secrets between the two, always honest and open with each other or sharing inner feelings, healing past wounds with compassion, or exposing own frailties and fear with other’s support and so on, the moment you both discuss and agree to have intimacy, you are already in the boat of intimacy. The more time and efforts invested in the ‘intimacy’ of your relationship, the more heart-felt moments you share and enjoy, leading to closer and tighter bond with each other.

Take a moment to ask yourself: are you intimate with yourself? Are you intimate with your partner? What does it mean by having intimacy with your partner and through what activities do you feel more intimate and closer to your partner? Perhaps you choose not to want intimacy or if you are afraid of being intimate? Explore and get to know yourself more around the subject of ‘intimacy’, i.e. your beliefs, behaviors, understanding and definitions; you may find the missing key which unlocks the door to intimacy, wounds or past secrets which may set free your hidden desires or abilities in becoming intimate.

Being intimate is a state of mind reflecting your connectivity with inner self or with your partner. It is a way of living and an art of life; it brings the fine finishing touch to relationship. You don’t need to be highly skilled to have intimacy with your partner, just a willing heart. Are you ready to ‘into-me-see’?

Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)

Being the first in our relationship to open up completely and invite my partner to ‘into-me-see’, trusting my partner will not hurt me; also patiently to encourage and enroll my partner to share his or her inner world with me.

For your actions:

(1)    Understand first your own relationship with self on ‘intimacy’, then the ‘intimacy’ in your relationship with the partner, i.e. your beliefs, understanding, definitions and expectations…etc.

(2)    Share and discuss with your partner your view on ‘intimacy’ and the desirable ‘intimacy’ within your relationship. Listen carefully what and how your partner answers and responses (first open up session to be intimate).

(3)    Find out what activities (will) make both of you feel intimate and close with each others, make plans for these activities.

 
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Posted by on August 13, 2012 in Thoughts

 

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Day 11 – Give the benefit of doubts!

Trust is earned or freely given?

Do you trust your partner? Do you trust yourself? In which areas do you have doubts in your partner? Is it related to your partner and himself (i.e. he always procrastinates in general) or between your partner and you (i.e. he only postpones the to-do tasks or events with you)? In which areas do you have doubts in yourself? Is it related to you and yourself or between you and your partner? Do you spot any correlation or patterns between you and your partner? The answers most likely inter-related because you reflect each other.

Trust, like happiness, is a state of mind. If you first trust your partner, whatever you hear, he or she says are all trustworthy and you response in trusting manners; positive atmosphere and energy go back and forth. On the other hand, if you do not trust your partner up front in the relationship or start to doubt, everything you hear is customized with suspicions and uncertainties, and you behave accordingly; the vicious circle of distrust starts. Distrust is like a poison, it slowly eats away your ideals, happiness, faith, love and the opportunity to a genuine trusting relationship.

What are your beliefs in the area of ‘Trust’? Do you think trust is earned or you could give it freely? If a stranger approaches you or a new friend asks more private matters about you, will you grant trust to this person and share more? How much trust will you give? What is your theory around the subject? And is it different for your partner? When will you trust your partner with your love (i.e. believing he or she will not hurt you in love) and your life (i.e. that he or she will not harm your life and is able to protect your life, as he or she is protecting his or hers)?

Trust is a choice and can be given to anyone at any time the moment you decide. By trusting others completely doesn’t free or guarantee you from harms; but it rather opens up what you can offer to others, to relationship, lets others know you are adequate and abundant, you afford to take the risks, as well as at the same time it encourages and enrolls others to take the same approach and do the same (to give you complete trust freely).

In S. Covey’s book, “Speed of Trust”, he uses the “ripple effect” metaphor with Self at the center and waves rippling from the inside out to describe the “5 Waves of Trust”, i.e. first trust wave is Self-Trust (credibility driven), second is Relationship-Trust (consistent behavior driven) wave, then follows …. It’s all starting from ourselves and we are the key to a successful trusting relationship.

Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)

Giving my partner the benefit of doubts and treating him or her with my total trust, respect and openness; before I jump into any conclusion or making any accusation of my partner, I will openly discuss and verify with my partner first.

For your actions:

(1) Ask yourself if you have given your partner the benefit of doubts? How much do you trust yourself and your partner in love?

(2) What does it take for you to give your partner complete trust?

 
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Posted by on August 11, 2012 in Thoughts

 

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