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Day 14 – Having sex and making love ~

If having sex is like having a house, then making love is turning the house into a home.

Having sex is fun, exciting, a combustion of desire, physical attractions and intense energies, it’s a part of our primal animal nature instincts; making love involves feelings, exchange of deeper emotions, understanding, empathy and contentment of the mind.

In your relationship, are you having more sex or more love making? Are you having fun with your partner in the area? And are you exploring sex and love making as much as possible to enjoy the pleasures brought by vast options? What is your view about sex? How open are you to talk about sex and express your sexual desire? It’s perhaps not an open topic which everyone discusses or shares with anyone in public; but certainly it involves everyone as we all have sexual desires. It’s a part of our biological make-up, a part of us we will attend and take care of, just like other desires for food, love, physical growth and so on.

Are you taking care of your own sexual desire and expression? Do you know what stimulates and arouses you sexually? Have you explored your sexualities and likings? Sex is no longer an act of biological prolonging of life, passing the genes; but also becoming an enjoyment and a pleasure of physical bodies. Why not enjoy what your body may offer?

Making love shifts the whole act of having sex to another different level. Making love is more personal and involves more efforts and exchanges of inner emotions and vulnerabilities. Making love does not confine to when sex begins; it is happening all these time when you and your partner feel the love between. It may start from the morning wake up cuddles, goodbye kisses, warm messages or sexual SMS during the day, welcome home hugs, cooked meals, intimate time spent, good night kisses till holding hands together while sleeping; and it continues. If you allow, it’s making love 24 hours a day.

Something very important to embrace is that making love does not restricted to only physical, but also includes mental sensations and climax. As love grows stronger and deeper, our desire and needs of having sex may reduce (to balance) and yet not feeling deprived, it is because we are fulfilled by the satisfactions and contentment from love making based on intimacy and connectivity on the mental level. A mental climax has replaced physical climax.

Making love stimulates the excitements and the growth of a relationship, it encourages couples to open up physically and emotionally, it reminds couples to offer and provide for each other, to put efforts and be creative in supporting and be with each other, as well as it boosts our immune systems and keep ourselves physically fit and heart closer to each other. Let’s all make more love!

Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)

Putting efforts in having sex and making love; expressing and exploring my sexuality together with my partner, as well as creating and sharing more love moments between us.

For your actions:

(1)    Find out what ticks your sexual desire; consider sharing with your partner.

(1)    Try making love, do an act of love per day, for the whole month (Refer: 30 days of love making – an act of love per day).

(2)    Have a fun Sex and intimacy game with each other.

 
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Posted by on August 14, 2012 in Thoughts

 

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Day 13 – Are you ready for “into-me-see”?

You have to drop all your defenses; only then is intimacy possible. We are all hiding a thousand and one things, not only from others but from ourselves.~ By Osho

Most of us desire ‘intimacy’ in our relationship with love one, but afraid to be the first to share and give our inner self. Being intimate with self is to empathize, embrace and nurture with one’s own weaknesses, vulnerabilities, wounds and deep emotions; this requires tremendous  self-courage to face up own reality and self-love to accept with totality, to heal and grow out of the old wounds. Being intimate with our partners mean in additions to ‘being intimate with self’, we are to open up ourselves completely and to invite our partners to ‘into-me-see’.

Depending on how intimate we are with ourselves and how comfortable we are with how much our partners see our inner world, we set boundaries and scopes for intimacy. Every one of us has our own definition, understanding and requirements in terms of what are or constitute ‘intimacy’; so does every couple in relationship. For couple, no matter whether it is no secrets between the two, always honest and open with each other or sharing inner feelings, healing past wounds with compassion, or exposing own frailties and fear with other’s support and so on, the moment you both discuss and agree to have intimacy, you are already in the boat of intimacy. The more time and efforts invested in the ‘intimacy’ of your relationship, the more heart-felt moments you share and enjoy, leading to closer and tighter bond with each other.

Take a moment to ask yourself: are you intimate with yourself? Are you intimate with your partner? What does it mean by having intimacy with your partner and through what activities do you feel more intimate and closer to your partner? Perhaps you choose not to want intimacy or if you are afraid of being intimate? Explore and get to know yourself more around the subject of ‘intimacy’, i.e. your beliefs, behaviors, understanding and definitions; you may find the missing key which unlocks the door to intimacy, wounds or past secrets which may set free your hidden desires or abilities in becoming intimate.

Being intimate is a state of mind reflecting your connectivity with inner self or with your partner. It is a way of living and an art of life; it brings the fine finishing touch to relationship. You don’t need to be highly skilled to have intimacy with your partner, just a willing heart. Are you ready to ‘into-me-see’?

Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)

Being the first in our relationship to open up completely and invite my partner to ‘into-me-see’, trusting my partner will not hurt me; also patiently to encourage and enroll my partner to share his or her inner world with me.

For your actions:

(1)    Understand first your own relationship with self on ‘intimacy’, then the ‘intimacy’ in your relationship with the partner, i.e. your beliefs, understanding, definitions and expectations…etc.

(2)    Share and discuss with your partner your view on ‘intimacy’ and the desirable ‘intimacy’ within your relationship. Listen carefully what and how your partner answers and responses (first open up session to be intimate).

(3)    Find out what activities (will) make both of you feel intimate and close with each others, make plans for these activities.

 
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Posted by on August 13, 2012 in Thoughts

 

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Day 11 – Give the benefit of doubts!

Trust is earned or freely given?

Do you trust your partner? Do you trust yourself? In which areas do you have doubts in your partner? Is it related to your partner and himself (i.e. he always procrastinates in general) or between your partner and you (i.e. he only postpones the to-do tasks or events with you)? In which areas do you have doubts in yourself? Is it related to you and yourself or between you and your partner? Do you spot any correlation or patterns between you and your partner? The answers most likely inter-related because you reflect each other.

Trust, like happiness, is a state of mind. If you first trust your partner, whatever you hear, he or she says are all trustworthy and you response in trusting manners; positive atmosphere and energy go back and forth. On the other hand, if you do not trust your partner up front in the relationship or start to doubt, everything you hear is customized with suspicions and uncertainties, and you behave accordingly; the vicious circle of distrust starts. Distrust is like a poison, it slowly eats away your ideals, happiness, faith, love and the opportunity to a genuine trusting relationship.

What are your beliefs in the area of ‘Trust’? Do you think trust is earned or you could give it freely? If a stranger approaches you or a new friend asks more private matters about you, will you grant trust to this person and share more? How much trust will you give? What is your theory around the subject? And is it different for your partner? When will you trust your partner with your love (i.e. believing he or she will not hurt you in love) and your life (i.e. that he or she will not harm your life and is able to protect your life, as he or she is protecting his or hers)?

Trust is a choice and can be given to anyone at any time the moment you decide. By trusting others completely doesn’t free or guarantee you from harms; but it rather opens up what you can offer to others, to relationship, lets others know you are adequate and abundant, you afford to take the risks, as well as at the same time it encourages and enrolls others to take the same approach and do the same (to give you complete trust freely).

In S. Covey’s book, “Speed of Trust”, he uses the “ripple effect” metaphor with Self at the center and waves rippling from the inside out to describe the “5 Waves of Trust”, i.e. first trust wave is Self-Trust (credibility driven), second is Relationship-Trust (consistent behavior driven) wave, then follows …. It’s all starting from ourselves and we are the key to a successful trusting relationship.

Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)

Giving my partner the benefit of doubts and treating him or her with my total trust, respect and openness; before I jump into any conclusion or making any accusation of my partner, I will openly discuss and verify with my partner first.

For your actions:

(1) Ask yourself if you have given your partner the benefit of doubts? How much do you trust yourself and your partner in love?

(2) What does it take for you to give your partner complete trust?

 
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Posted by on August 11, 2012 in Thoughts

 

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